Results Beyond Hope
by KroganVanguard
Summary: Inspired by one of my favourite authors and characters. Cordelia Vorkosigan and Lois McMaster Bujold. This is what my brain spat out after a KinkMeme prompt about mercy in ME. Set during ME2.


"Shepard, you trust too easily. You are too merciful."

"What?"

"I've been reviewing the files of what happened during the fight against Saren and the geth. You have a tendency to show mercy that could really backfire."

Shepard leaned back against her chair and considered Miranda carefully. The two women were sitting in the mess area, which was empty otherwise. Shepard had scheduled a brief break on Illium for the crew, reasoning they needed a little downtime, and after warning them about signing contracts had turned them loose. Her executive officer was one of the few to remain aboard and had scheduled this meeting, but Shepard hadn't expected this on the agenda.

"Well, Miranda, perhaps you could tell me exactly what circumstances you're talking about?"

Her tone was cool. She respected the Cerberus officer's intelligence and determination, but the two definitely did not see eye-to-eye on many ethical issues, Cerberus itself being first and foremost. Of course, Miranda had to have expected that given Shepard's experience on Akuze and subsequent discoveries with Kahoku. She hadn't brought it up yet, and Miranda herself carefully skirted the issue, but it had hung in the air between them. When Ashley had accused her on Horizon, she'd had to bite her tongue hard not to remind her of exactly why she would never be a Cerberus sympathiser. That was a discussion for another time.

"The rachni queen for one."

"You would have killed her?"

"Yes, it would have been unfortunate, but the risk that the rachni could come back..."

"You weren't there. You didn't hear her speak...", came the reply as Shepard locked eyes with Miranda. Liquid brown met sky blue. Shepard remembered the entire encounter, etched into her brain. Wrex, urging her to ensure that the krogan never had to make the sacrifices they had already made again. Liara, still in shock from Benezia's death but somehow finding her voice, finding a counterpoint. Listening to that alien voice, speaking through an almost-dead asari. An entire species, manipulated, perhaps even corrupted in the same way that Benezia had been. It had seemed outrageous, but at the same time it had seemed true. Shepard had long lived on her instincts, had long trusted her gut. It had saved her Mindoir that fateful day, then again on Akuze. She bore scars from those days, but she had also learnt lessons from them. She trusted those instincts, trusted her principles. She showed mercy that day to the last hope of a dead race and hope she would not live to regret it.

"Do you think mercy is a weakness Miranda? That if I show mercy I can be taken advantage of? Let me assure that is not true. I offer one hand in peace but arm the other. We are now forewarned about the rachni. The queen owes me. The potential of that is incredible. We face a war that will determine the continued existence of every single living being in the galaxy. We need every possible ally. But most importantly, she seemed genuine. She asked for a second chance. I would not be who I am if I had not given it to her."

Miranda glanced away. Shepard looked down at her hands, coal-black skin glistening under the light. There had been precious little time to consider decisions like those in that harrowing chase after Saren. No time to take a breath. No time to re-think her decisions. Shepard knew why Miranda had brought it up. The asari who was acting as the rachni representative on Illium had been a shock even to Shepard. But things had gone well. The queen had promised aid. Second-guessing would serve little purpose.

"What about Shiala? She could still have been indoctrinated. She could've killed you."

"You know what the reports don't say about the Thorian's layer? The heat and stench. It felt like hours. The creeper hordes would keep coming. Kaidan...Kaidan kept using his biotics to control the battlefield. Ash was covered in green slime by the end of the fight. It was in every joint in our armor. Shiala was ready to die that day. I could see it in her eyes. I could hear it in her voice. The Council made me judge, jury and executioner and I was ready to do it for every colonist on Feros. But she wasn't the target of my anger, not really. She was just another person caught up in the maelstrom, in the insanity. She wanted to help the colony, and she has been. I didn't expect to meet her here, but I didn't imagine she'd still be helping."

A devil on one shoulder, an angel on another. Helping to articulate her thoughts. She could generally count on Liara and Kaidan to make the case for people's better natures and for Wrex and Ash to argue against taking a chance. That helped. She'd built a career, and a life, on taking chances. On showing mercy. On trusting people. On making sure they helped get the job done. That's why Akuze had been so scarring. Her people hadn't made it. Except for Toombs. She hoped he was OK. Another pass she gave to Cerberus. She had to give to Cerberus to make sure the Collectors got their due. She had to trust the woman sitting opposite her. The crew of the starship that sat quietly in its dock. She had to get the job done.

"Virmire then. Wrex, the argument over the genophage. How did you know he wouldn't shoot you in the back?"

"I didn't. But I understood his anger. His depression over the fate of the krogan. I saw in him a spark of something greater, something that could help the krogan. But he had to see Saren's offer was a trap. Only then could he seize the opportunity to do something about the krogan. He wanted to kill me, but I never wanted to kill him. I wanted him to save the krogan, but not to sacrifice the soul of his species to do so."

She had watched Ash out of the corner of her eye, desperately hoping that Wrex would put down his gun. She knew that sometimes sacrifices had to be made. Sometimes people couldn't be trusted. She was an idealist but she didn't live in fairyland. The Illusive Man fell into that category. Every word he spoke was calculated. Every move he made was manipulative. She accepted his shackles for now, but the day would come when they would no longer be acceptable. Shepard hoped Miranda would understand. That she could her show that it was the right thing to do. That trust and mercy weren't dirty words.

Miranda had read the reports, but she hadn't been there. Hadn't felt the world collapse under her when Shepard was torn between the bomb and the AA tower on Virmire. Between Kaidan and Ashley. Between a boulder of granite and a place so hard that it made diamond feel soft. A choice that had torn open every wound from her past.

"Do you think I'm weak Miranda? That when the time came, I could not do what needs to be done?" Shepard's voice was quiet, but her gaze was fierce. Eyes like lasers. She saw Miranda look down, hesitate.

"No. I think you would make the right choice. For all of us. For humanity. I thought maybe, if you explained, I could see how you leapt. Made those leaps myself. But I can't. You show mercy. You show trust beyond reason. Despite what happened to you, you showcase the best of humanity. And you get results beyond hope. Commander."

One woman rose and left the table. The other stayed. Perhaps she could forge a team yet. Perhaps they would win yet. Cordelia Shepard allowed herself a smile. The Reapers and Collectors had a lot weapons, but she had trust. She had mercy. They were not to be underestimated.


End file.
